Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Those crazy Aussies

Though I live in the States, I have a few Australian friends and they've passed on some interesting stories to me. Based off these stories, several conclusions can be made. First, never, ever piss off an Australian. They'll not only get you back, they'll be bloody creative about how they get you back. Here's an example.

Now this guy is a good friend of mine and is very smart. He's a freelance IT Security Auditor and he knows his stuff, though he takes all kinds of IT related jobs. One day, someone he's worked for before hires him to write a training manual. The project manager in question had hired him because the programmers were supposed to write one but kept putting it off, claiming they didn't have time. The project manager got sick of this so he finally did hire outside help, specifically my friend. Here's the thing. My friend's dyslexic. On bad days, he can't even read his own writing. Anyone else figure out what's wrong with asking him to write a training manual? The project manager also knew this. Anyone else figure out why he asked my friend specifically? Needless to say, after the programming team saw the training manual, they shut up and finally wrote it themselves.

The second thing to note is that if you're some kind of performing artist, be it a stage actor or a musician, you're in for a hell of a time. If the performance was bad, the audience will not hesitate to heckle you. They will actually follow the performers out of the theater and continue on for quite some time. In other words, get out of town as fast as possible. Now, if the audience liked the performance, it's even worse. They'll demand an encore. And again, and again. I think the record is something like eight encores for one performance and the Australians are still trying to break that record. When the Russian military band played in Australia, the audience managed to get three out of them. Then the audience was asked if they intended to make them do this all night. The answer was yes. Keep in mind, this was a midday performance. The response of the Russian band was more or less, "screw you guys."

Australians can also be very creative when bored. If you give an Aussie something to do, make sure he or she does not get bored of it. They will find ways to relieve themselves of their boredom, usually at your expense. In general, this means that Australians like to stay amused. This can be a good or bad thing, depending on how they choose to amuse themselves. So stay on their good side, and as long as you aren't a performing artist, they likely won't use you for amusement.

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